What Will You Hear This Christmas? The Testimony of the Inn-Keeper? Words from Edith Bunker?

For the last few months I have been receiving emails advertising a sermon subscription series—the proprietor and the service shall go unnamed. Either the proprietor added me to his list (not knowing how I’d react to these emails), or someone who does know how I feel about these things (On Subscription Sermon Series) signed me up as a prank. Back in the day, the White Horse Inn crew, (including Mike Horton, our producer Shane Rosenthal, along with yours truly), would sign up our feisty Lutheran co-host, Dr. Rod Rosenbladt, for all kinds of stuff to get his goat—Wesleyan Woman comes to mind. It took him all of a few seconds to guess the culprits. So it may very well be the case that someone did that here. The point is, these email pitches came to me unsolicited.

The advertisements contain “highlights” from various sermons for which you can sign-up and then download in their entirety. Aside from the propriety of a minister not preparing his own sermon, there is the matter of attribution. Does the one preaching someone else’s sermon ever feel compelled to tell the congregation that they are doing so? You’d think with content so bad no preacher would want to pass this stuff off as their own work!

Then there is the matter of content. I have never subscribed to such a series—even on a free trial basis out of a sense of curiosity, wondering “how bad can they be?” So I don’t know how much biblical and theological content they may include. I only see what they choose to send me. If these are the “highlights,” I’m pretty sure the body of these “sermons” contain similar piffle—or worse.

Let me just say, the “samples” have been pretty awful and the advent sermons have been the worst of the lot. Here are some examples from recent sales pitches:

From December 13th . . .

I would like to make a personal recommendation for a Candlelight sermon or Christmas eve sermon. It's called "A Personal Testimony." I used this in my own church, with great success, and I wanted to introduce it to you. It is a First Person Skit written from the Viewpoint of the Innkeeper.

Possible props: a stool and a manger before which to kneel at the end of the story.

Even suggested “props” are included—along with instructions about when and how to use them for greatest effect.

Would you allow me to be personal? I have an unusual story to tell, and I delight in telling it. My work brings me into contact with many people.  In fact, I deal with all kinds of people from the humblest country folk to the highest officials.

But the event I most vividly recall happened at one of the year's peak seasons. Our country's leader had felt that additional taxes were needed for us to meet our budget, so he had urged all local citizens to have their names registered at the polls, so they could be duly taxed. Of course, this meant many thousands had to make their way across the countryside to the city which represented their political interests.

I recall the weather...still cool...although the fresh smell of spring was in the air. Grass was even good enough for limited grazing on the nearby hillsides. And the days...rather pleasant, but I must admit the nights were somewhat chilly.

But one night in particular stands out in my memory. It seems that the crowds had been unusually large that day. And many had come by seeking lodging for the night, as they lived at too great a distant to return home for bedtime. Already I had turned dozens away to seek shelter elsewhere. [If stool is used, sit here] Exhausted, I had dozed off at the register's counter when I was awakened by a gentle "tap-tap-tapping" on the counter-top. "Coming to" with a start, I made out the figure of a young couple, standing in the lingering shadows of the lamp light.

"May I help you?" I asked, [jumping-up and off of stool]. As the young man stood by his pretty companion, he began to speak in a low, trembling voice....

From December 14’s email pitch . . . Here’s another suggested illustration, suggested for “A Christmas Eve sermon, a First Person drama skit perfect for Christmas Eve, a Candle Lighting Service with accompanying sermon, and a Christmas Day sermon.”

In one of the All in the Family episodes that aired some years ago Edith and Archie are attending Edith's high school class reunion. Edith encounters an old classmate by the name of Buck who, unlike his earlier days had now become excessively obese. Edith and Buck have a delightful conversation about old times and the things that they did together, but remarkably Edith doesn't seem to notice how extremely heavy Buck has become. Later, when Edith and Archie are talking, she says in her whiny voices "Archie, ain't Buck a beautiful person." Archie looks at her with a disgusted expression and says: "You're a pip, Edith. You know that. You and I look at the same guy and you see a beautiful person and I see a blimp. Edith gets a puzzled expression on her face and says something unknowingly profound, "Yeah, ain't it too bad."

You see, what we see and what we hear in life depends not upon the events but rather....

Oh, the suspense! What could Edith and Archie’s conversion mean in light of the Christmas story? By the way, how many under 40 even remember All in the Family and can recall Archie and Edith?

Subscription sermon series like this one raises all manner of questions. But more importantly, they reveal the truly sad state of much of American religion: trivial, vapid, and devoid of biblical content.

Maranatha! Come Lord!